Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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