Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
