the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
