but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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