is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
