Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
