Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
