A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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