His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
