Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
