Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
