There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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