she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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