I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
