i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
