i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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