so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
