Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize