omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
