Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize