come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
