i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
