I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
