where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
