I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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