Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
whose parrot is this?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I lost the right to judge tonight
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
