I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
