I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I will die if light touches me.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
