Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize