Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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