Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize