I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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