im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
