look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize