Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
