Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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