would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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