can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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