she was so not down for the gang bang
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
