Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
