Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
