i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
