Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
