You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
