Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
