you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
