i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
