come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
