pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
