I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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