my mouth tastes like poor choices
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
