Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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