So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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