Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
