I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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