I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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