You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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