I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
