she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
