i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
