ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
