how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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