New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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