I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
