i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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