So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
MIDGETS
????
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My bed smells like the plague
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
