Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
