Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
3pm strippers are depressing
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
