Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
