So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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