I am puke
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
