how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
