Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
