how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I want a musical about memes.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
