First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Randomize
