I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
