I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
