I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
