It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize