but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize