I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
