you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
