I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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