Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
