I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize