Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
