Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
