I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
