Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize