You made me cry and you don't even care
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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