I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
