He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
my poor anus
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize