I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
