whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
