You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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