Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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