So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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