bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize